If
the female stays thin and doesn't resemble a "real woman", she doesn't
take on the social responsibility of her role to love, care for
and nurture others. Being frail gets you looked after, cared for
and you don't have to return the attention. Anorexics feel compelled
to do extremely well, to excel at everything. They are perfectionists.
They keep going at all costs. Perhaps these women are attempting
to give themselves a broader definition than the female social role
of our society allows. (Orbach, 1983) Women are taught it is right
to put ourselves last, even though such behavior may compromise
our health. (Steinem, 1980)
Anorexics
are struggling for control because they feel so out of control in
all other areas of life except the body. There is a great sense
of power and control in being able to stop bodily changes. And since
they are also meeting the social ideal, in a manner of speaking,
there are positive strokes to be gained for female compliance in
this social structure.
Hunger
is a physiological as well as a psychological experience. (Bruch,
1973) So when the anorexic starves herself, she is using the avoidance
of food to punish herself on two planes.
Bulimia
often starts out as a way of "having your cake and eating it too".
(Arenson, 1984) A bulimic is involved in the binge/purge cycle,
whether it be by way of self-induced vomiting, laxatives, diuretics
or in some cases excessive exercise. The bulimic has low self-esteem
and relies on others' opinions to validate her self-worth. (Boskind-Lodahl,
1977)
Bulimia
is not a physical disorder as with anorexia. It is a group of behaviors
that become an obsession for the sufferer. (Arenson, 1984)
Characteristics
of bulimic behavior are recurrent binges (large quantities of food
consumed in a very short period of time); sneak eating; self-induced
purging; repeatedly attempting to lose weight by way of excessive
and strict dieting, vomiting, laxatives, diuretics; frequent fluctuation
of weight due to binge/fast cycles; depression and self-hate as
a result of obsession; preoccupation with exercise as a means of
weight control; intense fear of being or becoming fat. (Arenson,
1984)
What
differentiates bulimics from others who binge eat is the purge.
(Arenson, 1984) The bulimic does not allow the food to be assimilated
into her system for fear of becoming fat. All of this attention
to the rituals of food and eating as with the anorexic, is a way
to avoid confronting issues in life the individual feels out of
control with. We all tend to nibble a little when we get nervous,
however, the bulimic has a good orgy and then purges themself of
the food as a purification rite, to cleanse themself of the self-hate
and self-loathing that they feel so they can gain control again.
(Dranov, 1984) Bulimics are afraid to stop purging least they get
fat.
The
largest handicap for bulimics is their low self-esteem. The constant
flow of verbal/mental self-abuse (self-oppression) over their imperfection
is typical of bulimic behavior. Constant exposure to the media ideas
reinforces in the bulimic's mind her lack of perfection - lack of
control over food. She may believe that all men want perfection
and thin is perfect, and until she has perfect control over her
perfectly thin body, she is unworthy, unfit, and undesirable. It
takes time, but the anxiety/depression felt by the bulimic can be
dealt with effectively in the therapeutic setting as well as changing
the negative behavior and dealing with feelings that have been suppressed.
(Dranov, 1984)
Compulsive
eaters use food as a constant coping mechanism, independent of biological
hunger. (Hooker, Convisser, 1983) They binge, eating alot of food
in a short period of time; sometimes eat secretly, are a compulsive
weight watcher and dieter, have frequent weight fluctuations, mood
swings based on weight, depression and self-hate. (Arenson, 1984)
Bulimics
have a fear of becoming fat, while compulsive overeaters fear becoming
thin (although that may only be known to their subconscious). They
make weight loss the number-one problem in their life and the primary
arena of attention. "It's alot safer and more comfortable to obsess
about weight, fat and food than it is to deal with the real stuff
of life." (Haber, 1978) Weight is being used as a shield to protect
them from what they fear. Whether the fears are of starvation, sexuality,
a new job situation, dating and relationships, career choices, family
issues or just life itself, the weight may be serving the purpose
of insulating them from those fears, from feeling, and thus avoiding
personal growth and change. As soon as they understand these issues
underlying their weight problem, women can see that their extra
weight is just that - extra weight - not something that disqualifies
them from enjoying life. That's when the weight can be lost. (Haber,
1978)
Most
compulsive eaters relate to themselves from the neck up. Their bodies
are disowned, alienated, foreign - but not a part of the real self.
But even though the body is despised, women are obsessed with perfecting
its shape and size. The alienation of the fat body from the self
is reflected in the aphorism, "Trapped inside every fat person is
a thin person trying to get out." The body is a source of pleasure
only in the act of doing the very thing, eating, that creates the
alienation. (Millman, 1980)
Compulsive
overeaters are also not in touch with their body messages of hunger
and satisfaction. Dieting has taught them deprivation and when they're
deprived for prolonged periods of time, they naturally rebel and
binge. Within a short period of time this becomes a way of life.
The
"thinness fantasy" is way oversold in our society, particularly
to women. It is suggested that when you are thin, your life will
work. That all of this struggling is going to be worth it because
when you gain control over your body and your weight, your whole
life will come together. Trying to live up to the fantasy is so
difficult. And, with the expectations that women learn to attach
to their weight loss, if those wonderful events don't take place,
frustration sets in and they revert right back to the old habits,
comfortably nestled in the safety of their excess weight.
So,
the truth of the matter is that the fantasy just doesn't exist.
Losing weight means losing weight; it doesn't mean changing your
life. (Greenfield, 1983) A woman's life will only work when she
makes it work and not a moment sooner. It's the inner motivation
for achievement that makes the difference.
As
has been discussed, anorexics, bulimics and compulsive overeaters
all deal with food and fat a little differently. Anorexics become
obsessed with food intake and body control to the point of severe
illness and perhaps even death. Bulimics alternate between gorging
and purging to attempt to meet the social ideal of "having their
cake and eating it too". Compulsive overeaters use food to cope
with life's problems or as an accompaniment to life events. None
of these are appropriate behaviors in that they side step the real
problem issues in lieu of a surrogate problem to obsess on. The
bottom line is that obsessing about food, fat and weight is a complete
waste of time.
Perhaps
our quest for thinness is a kind of self-mockery of the experience
of being a woman, since it demonstrates the physical discomfort,
self-denial and self-sacrifice required in the conventional female
role. (Millman, 1980) Women have been socialized to be second-class
citizens. We have learned to submit to the will of others and to
perpetuate our own misery by living in fear that we would somehow
offend someone if we were to stand up for ourself. (Shainess, 1984)
If this is so, we have delivered the bondage to our own doorsteps.
The
primary symptoms of masochistic behavior are: self-doubt, fear of
authority, a terrible desire for approval, fear of abandonment,
feelings of humiliation and guilt. (Shainess, 1984) It is no wonder
that fat is, generally speaking, a feminist issue. We are prime
candidates for jumping on the band wagon of our media's message
to conform to the current idealized slender image. As expressed
before, there are positive payoffs to the female in our society
who complies with its ideals.
But
what of the backlash suffered as a result of that compliance? Because
of the limited arenas made available to women in which they can
achieve recognition or compete, they become obsessive in an area
which they can control - their bodies. They strive to be the most
attractive, polite, sexy, youthful, slender of women. They compete
against other women as well as themselves. Women's insecurity keeps
her in a constant state of dissatisfaction - forever needing to
improve on a good thing.
Compliments
are near impossible to accept, and if one is extended, the woman
will generally call fault to some other area of her life in which
she comes up short. This sets up a dichotomy in that the woman is
striving for the recognition but doesn't feel that she deserves
it when it arrives.
So,
what better way to play into this nature than with dieting. Obsessing
about food and fat gives us a place to invest any masochistic tendencies
we may have, and at the same time avoid the underlying reasons for
those tendencies. By dieting we can receive the approval of others
because we are doing "the right thing" in confronting our weight
problem. Our real problems are totally ignored. Socially speaking,
dieting shows the world we don't want to have a weight problem.
It's just that diets don't work for permanent weight loss and so
we must continually prove our desire to be thinner by always dieting.
It's a vicious cycle.
Diets
force a person (by their own choice) to be things they may never
choose to do in other areas of their life. Forced feedings, forced
starvation, tasteless foods, small quantities, regimented feedings
- all of this we do because someone else tells us to, with the promise
of success on our part if we just do what they say. We are totally
ignoring the best authority, which is our own body. It is only natural
to rebel against such deprivation and limitations. That's one of
the reasons why people fail to stay on their diet, and cheat, and
feel guilty. It's all built right into the system. First you try
to conform but you feel deprived so you cheat (which is actually
becoming true to your own needs) but you feel guilty about not sticking
to the plan and so you binge to feel better (self-punishment/self-reward).
Then you feel guilty over the bingeing and so you have to go on
a diet again. All of this failure stems from a failure to confirm
to others ideas or rules (which one obviously chooses not to). We
ourselves are not failures, although we tend to believe otherwise.
So, our fears, our guilt, our need for approval drive us to attempt
to conform to the social norm. (Shainess, 1984)
But,
with all of this conforming, what are women conforming to? The social
ideal is definitely not what's best for the individual woman. As
stated earlier (Connally, 1903) "if all women should decide not
to wear corsets nothing would be thought of it." He is alluding
to the power that women have but don't acknowledge or utilize. If
all women were to establish their own ideal body images, what would
be thought of it? Perhaps we are afraid of taking that power in
light of our being socialized as the "weaker sex".
If
we as women obsessively buy into (as we have) the ideals of our
society, we are falling to the whims and desires of others. Who
is to say what will be demanded of us next.
Perhaps
we conform out of a fear of what will happen to us if we don't.
But when we are filled with such self-doubt about our body image
or personal achievements, it is easy to become the victim of others'
control. If women would band together for the common purpose, they
could put an end to this idealized obsession. It must end somewhere,
some time soon, because people are dying in the pursuit of conformity.
A woman's
self-image is the very foundation of her personality, and hence,
she acts like the sort of person she thinks and believes she is.
Napoleon Hill states "whatever the mind can conceive and believe,
it can achieve." We are all products of our thoughts. The choices
we make are in accordance with those thoughts and our current self-image.
If we believe that we need to be punished because we are somehow
had, unworthy, imperfect, we will continue to do so. We oppress
ourselves.
We
all play roles during our lifetime and roles have built-in limitations.
Playing the role of a self oppressive individual as discussed in
this paper; there are certain behaviors and beliefs a woman must
manifest in order to perpetuate that role. She must believe that
self-deprivation is for her own good and that all of the suffering
will be worth it in the end. However, the suffering never ends.
She continues to feel dissatisfied with herself, her body, and hate
its imperfections.
Women
have to learn to stop judging themselves by their body size. This
is just a cover for the real underlying problems being experienced
by the woman. Freedom from the obsession with idealized body image
lies in the identification and acceptance of the problem. It is
important for women to identify those aspects of their lives that
are unfulfilled, so that rather than continuing to avoid those issues,
they begin to see options that are available to them. (Hooker, Convisser,
1983)
A therapy
approach that seems valuable is one that allows women to discover
their own abilities and inner capacities for thinking and feeling.
(Bruch, 1973)
One
of the greatest gifts that a woman can give herself, if she has
not already done so, is to accept herself unconditionally for who
and what she is. This gives her a place to start her process of
change if she so desires. If she negates who and what she is, or
what she looks like, what resources does she have to work with?
We must have a starting place, and that is exactly where we are
right now.
It
is important to love ourselves, our bodies just because they exist.
We deserve all of the good things life has to offer, without having
to perform for any of them. We are deserving individuals by our
very existence.
People
whose lives are full do not use food to fill them. They feed themselves
with worthwhile goals and exciting activities. They nourish themselves
with positive relationships and a positive attitude toward life
itself. In fact, accomplishments seem to reduce the tendency toward
self-criticism. (Wooley, 1984)
If
a woman is unhappy with her body size/shape, and it keep her from
actively participating in life, she has given away her power to
her body to make her feel unhappy. That is another way to keep the
pattern of self-abuse going. There is no single standard of what
is right or beautiful where bodies are concerned. Bodies have traveled
the road from rotund to slender, with many changes in-between. And
since beauty is subjective, every body can be and is beautiful,
we have only to see it that way.
(Listing
of References available on request)